Decimating the entire beauty industry in a single stroke, the Maanus on Monday launched a revolutionary new anti-ageing cream guaranteed to keep your skin young for as long as you use it. The secret? Miniature black holes which slow down time in the space around them.
Reportedly, the Maanus got this massive idea while watching the Interstellar scene wherein space travelers near the black hole experienced time dilation. An hour for the travelers is 7 years for someone in outer space; using similar concepts, an outside observer will perceive skin protected by Maanus’s “Stellar Youth Cream” to be just a day old when it hits its 100th birthday. Apparently it is something to do with General Relativity but no one understands that.
“When you apply this cream to your face, time near the infused micro-black-holes slows down. This is because the black holes warp time and space, as aptly demonstrated in the movie. Your skin will retain its youthfulness for as long as you desire,” said the Maanus.
However, there was one catch – black holes suck in everything around them. Any black hole created on Earth would suck in not only your skin but possibly the entire Earth. So what use will a skin cream be, if there wasn’t even a Miss World pageant to flaunt skin in? The solution to this conundrum was solved by the Maanus by observing the Main Gate security.
“I had been thinking about this product from the moment I left the theatre after watching Interstellar. I realized that our wondrous world could be destroyed if this cream came into existence, but was unable to get any clue as to how it could be resolved. Then I entered the institute through the Main Gate. And suddenly, I had the answer – it had been right in front of us the whole time! I observed the impenetrable Main Gate security carefully and managed to contain the micro-black-holes in impenetrable outer shells, using techniques learnt from the impenetrable Main Gate security,” explained the Maanus.
The micro-black-holes have an impenetrable outer covering of a special main-gate-inspired material. It doesn’t allow the black holes to suck in any more matter, while allowing its time dilation effects. The Main Gate has sued Maanus for this infraction but The Maanus is not worried. “I will not give them Face Cream.”
When asked how was he able to invent the anti-ageing cream in just 5 days, the secretive Maanus gave an enigmatic smile. “Let’s just say,” he said, “that time is not the same for me and the rest of the world.”
The Maanus is currently spending his time developing the Main Gate Technology further to selectively allow shit inside. Literally. Then you could just wear it and never have to poop again in your life. Also coming up are plans to collaborate with Modi to clean up India.
Apparently, Nolan has expressed desire to be invited at the product launch, but Maanus doesn’t give a shit. He is wearing a prototype.
“Spreading Black Holes Everywhere” is the motto of Maanus’s Black Hole startup. The product taglines are respectively “A Black Hole a day keeps the dermatologist away” and “Shit-Sucker”.
That, folks, is the Maanus for you, the greatest scientist-inventor-philosopher of our time. And his.